Relationship Problems?
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Would you date someone who had previously dated one of your friends?

Yes! I'm perfectly happy to date my friend's exes. They're exes for a reason.
No! It's too incestuous. I don't feel comfortable dating a friend's ex.
Maybe Yes: I haven't had the opportunity, but I don't see a problem with it.
Maybe No: I haven't done it, but I don't think I would.
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ANONYMOUS Needs Advice
Posted by anonymous
Posted on Apr 22, 2012
Last updated 6 minutes ago
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I'm confused about my feelings for not one, but two male friends.
To preface, if anybody has had a similar experience with the first, second or both situations, I'd love to hear how things worked out for you.

I'm not a romantic person by nature. I don't really see me having a boyfriend, because I think it'd probably be impractical as a junior in high school- I don't want to enter something that wouldn't go anywhere, or have inevitable failure. I couldn't enter a relationship for the fun of it; if I were to endanger my feelings, it would be for something I truly cared and felt seriously about.

So here's my problem: one of my best friends and I have this weird.. I don't know what to call it. It's like he might think there's something there, and I might think there is, and we both think the other probably thinks so, but we don't touch the subject. I hold this guy's friendship as one of the dearest things I have right now, and as I'm going through a lot of family tragedy he's been making me laugh and forget about my many issues for a while. And one minute I think, "If I could be with anybody, it'd be him." But then I muse over all the stuff that comes with a relationship- it's involved and requires an amount of effort and vulnerability I'm not sure I can give right now. So I breathe and shrug because I'm overthinking things again; it wouldn't work anyway. But then we go to prom 'as friends', and suddenly he's all fidgety and nervous to ask me to slowdance, which he wouldn't be if we WERE comfortably 'just friends'.
So I do a little mental exercising. I imagine doing the cuddly couple crap with him and that's nice, but then the thought of kissing him is weird. So I justify it with the fact that I'm always touch-starved. I imagine he's in a relationship with someone else, and find I'm thrilled for him and weirdly.. Disconcerted at the same time. Not jealous or hateful, just.. Confused as ever. Which I can't justify.

So my brain is like, "NO."
And my heart is like, "It's dubious."
And my hormones are like, "YES."

So here's where it gets complicated. For the past year or so I've been conversing regularly with this guy on a forum who's sweet and not a forty year old predator in a basement. He's never asked me any Red Flag questions or pried for information; we just chat about this nerdy thing or that and naturally- because nothing can be easy- I start doubting whether or not my feelings are 'just friends' for him too. He's played therapist for me all throughout the crazy things that have been happening to myself and my family this past year, and I've been an advisor and cheerleader for him through his conflicts. I've had days where I just wanted to drag myself home, flop on the couch and write with him. I'm sure part of his not-just-friends appeal is how "safe" his is by comparison- he's far away, and I can be more emotionally protected than if he were here in person.

So my head is like, "This is stupid."
And my heart is like, "I'm safer!"
And my hormones are like, "I'm lost where's the other one at."

And then my friends and I are all lying on a hammock at night, and my side is pressed against the first guy, and he's warm and I can feel the vibrations as he speaks and we watch the sky.

And then second guy talks about wanting to meet me one day and how we could go to ComiCon together, and after finding out I like seafood saying we could to a seafood place for lunch- while I remember he had said he hated it way before then.

And I'm like, "I need help."
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