Okay, I am acknowledging that there is a myth going around that women go for the jerks. We shun the nice guys on the way to the bastards. We wave off the considerate gentlemen whenever the inconsiderate derelict walks into the room. This is all fine; I'm not here to dispel a myth. Instead, I'm here to clarify it. Sure, we like guys that should be unlikeable, or at least less likable than their well-behaved and cordial counterparts, but what kind of unlikeable guys do we like? The answer: all of them. But each girl is different. Each girl has her special kind of asshole.
 
Asshole number 1: The Idiot.
 
Let me clarify something: there are two kinds of general assholes. There's the asshole that is a jerk and does mean things to relatively innocent people and there's the asshole who is such a fool that he often does something so stupid that people look at him, shake their heads, and say with pity, "Wow, what an asshole. Well, asshole number 1 fits the latter description. This guy isn't so much a bad person as he is a bad choice. This kind of asshole can be a relatively nice guy with good intentions and genuine emotions who is often self-centered to the point of doing anything to get what he wants. The question is, why is he chosen over relatively nice guys (or nicer guys, in general) with good intentions and genuine emotions who are not relentless fools? "Because we want to take care of them and make them into better people, and we want it to be because of us," says Darlene of Denver, Colorado. "It's like we're the mom and he's the lost little boy who needs a maternal figure to survive." Does the fact that I think that's weird make me the other kind of asshole? Speaking of other kinds of assholes, let's move on.
 
Asshole number 2: The Asshole.
 
This is your traditional asshole. He insults her, he isn't considerate, he isn't concerned with her friends and merely tolerates her family. He is selfish, self-centered and obviously using you as the scapegoat for a world that wronged him. At worse, this guy is in need of therapy to take care of some childhood issues; at worse, he's a sociopath. So, where does this guy get his lure? "We want to be the one to change him," says Lucy, also of Denver. "If you can be the one he loves so much that he changes, that's the real deal. Not only will you feel good, but everyone else would be like, "Wow, she changed him. He must really love her. She must really be great." I can agree with that: it would take a miracle to change some of these guys, but that's just the point. Many women stick around, thinking they will eventually be successful and accomplish that miracle. The problem is, many women stick around way too long for a lost cause.
 
Asshole number 3: The Chauvanist.
 
This asshole buys you things, gets you everything you want, tells you time and time again that he wants to take care of you and doesn't want you to work. You may here a Prince Charming, but the person really talking is a male chauvinist who wants to coddle you because he honestly thinks that's all you're worth. That guy who demands you stop working on that project that could get you a promotion doesn't want a woman doing as well as he does at work. The guy who tells you to stop talking and trying to be funny when socializing doesn't want a woman showing him up in the charisma department. The guy who buys you brand new designer dresses wants to dress you as if you're a doll because, to him, you are. It doesn't take a genius to understand the allure of this guy. "A lot of people want to be taken care of, " says Cindy of Boulder. "I don't care who you are, a life of relative leisure where the other person takes care of everything and all you have to do is provide dinner and some romance is a pretty good setup. Unfortunately, it often comes at a price." That price: pride, integrity, self-worth. Some people never had this to begin with and are seeking this kind of asshole. If not, question why you're dating him and wearing a dress you neither like nor feel comfortable in because he insisted.
 
Although these seem to be the major assholes, there are other kinds of assholes, for sure. What we tend to find is that one common thread runs through each definition: self-centeredness. There are many ways to be "all about yourself," and there are many women who will tolerate it. Why? Well, if you want to save the guy, change the guy or take refuge in the guy, the aforementioned assholes are for you.
 
If you just want to have fun and be in love, there's no need to settle for an asshole. There's a guy who wants to know and love you for you out there somewhere.
 

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