We all have a tendency to hold on to our pasts, and who could blame us? Our pasts are what define us, right? Our experiences have conditioned who we are, and our memory of those experiences let us know who we are. We need our pasts to have our collective present, right? Well, as much sense as all that might make, I invite you to consider the benefits of thinking otherwise.
 
What would happen if we didn't define ourselves by our pasts? What would happen if we looked at our experiences as mere experiences? What would happen if we truly lived in the present-fully in the present?
 
Our relationships would be a lot more functional and healthier, that's for sure.
 
For example, I know a woman who had several bad relationships before getting into a really fulfilling relationship. However, she couldn't shake the memory of being cheated on by most of the men in her past. So, when her boyfriend talks to female co-workers or platonic female friends, she gets paranoid, anxious and, sometimes, quite angry. This is the only downside to an otherwise wonderful relationship. However, she could have it all if she simply kept the past in the past. Her current boyfriend is not any one of her past boyfriends. However, if she keeps suspecting him to be, the relationship may deteriorate into another break-up induced by infidelity. She is letting the past control her present.
 
Let's look at another scenario involving a young man too invested in his past. He landed a wonderful woman who fully accepted him for who he was. However, he was still so haunted by an ex-girlfriend who blamed him for everything, even when it was her fault. His past girlfriend put him down for relatively normal things, like not having the same favorite color as she. This made him very nervous in his present relationship. It made him anxious and afraid to express his opinions. It was only a matter of time before she left him for what she called "a real man." His past, which was dead and gone, destroyed a wonderful present and a promising future.
 
Don't get me wrong. The past is beneficial because we can learn from it. A person can learn to watch out for certain guys. Another can learn to steer clear of emotionally oppressive women. However, it is wrong to think that our pasts can so accurately determine our present situations. It cannot. This may be hard to hear, but it is liberating when fully embraced: we are not our experiences and we are not the memories of our experiences. We simply are. The key is to live in the present, fully, and welcome the people that join you in that present.
 
The past can inform the present, but don't let it be the present.

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