I have a guilty confession. I have a lot of friends who feel odd when they see their exes in public. Running into someone with whom they've had a relationship of any kind seems to really throw them off. However, I have to say that I find it quite amusing. In fact, when my ex is with a new boyfriend, I can honestly say I enjoy running into them. Even if I was the one who got dumped, I find it intriguing to find myself face to face with her and her new boyfriend. This may sound masochistic, but trust me, it isn't. Actually, it is quite sadistic, and I'm okay with that. I feel this way for a few reasons.

First of all, my life is better. The one thing all of my ex-girlfriends have in common is the fact that they dated me when I was broke, a little heavier and not nearly as happy. Now that I have a fun job, and good salary, a fit body and a very active social life, they look at me longingly. Some of them seem to want to get back together with me, despite the presence of their current boyfriends, who are either in the room or standing right next to them. I think this one chick I used to date actually forgot her boyfriend was standing there, watching us talk. She touch my arm softly when I told her about the car I was driving and the posh location of my apartment and looked at me like I was a juicy steak. Her poor boyfriend had to snap her out of it and have a talk with her. How amusing is that?

Another source of entertainment is the fact that I had her first. Yeah, I sound like pure swine when I say it, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it. I make sure that, at some point in the night, I'm relatively alone with my ex's current flame. The look on a guy's face when he sees the guy who slept with his girlfriend before him is priceless. And I'm the kind of guy who slept with his girlfriend A LOT before him. If I broke up with her, I'll say something like, "Yeah, I wasn't into it anymore," or "I guess I wasn't feeling it with her," or "I just wasn't as into her as she was into me." Letting somebody know that the only reason he's with his girlfriend is because I got tired of her produces a feeling that is downright addictive.

I also like to let him know that I know things about his girlfriend that he doesn't. Whether it's a certain sound she makes in bed, a certain recurring dream she has, her first memory, or the song that makes her cry the most, I'm displaying that I have a key into her psyche and soul that he's still trying to find. Every once in a while, a guy will see me as a resource to help him get more intimate with her. When this happens, I say something like, "I don't feel comfortable divulging too much information to you. If she hasn't done it by this point, perhaps she doesn't want you to know."

It's great!

Before you get down on me for being a world class douche, I suggest you try it. If it works, remember you heard it from me. If it doesn't, I guess you're a better person than I am. I don't care; I'm having fun!

To report corrections and clarifications, contact esmith@getonthecouch.com. For publication consideration send comments to media@getonthecouch.com. Include name, phone number, city and state for verification.