The Declaration of Independence is such a powerful herald of individual rights that I believe it can be applied to anything, including each person's right to have a healthy romantic relationship.

Below is an appropriation of The Declaration of Independence for the purpose of healthy romantic relationships. Each member of a couple should be, if anything, interdependent within the relationship. However, if a person does not feel his or her relationship is healthy and/or romantic, he or she has the right, the independence, to leave.

In respect for that admirable patriotic document, we have staid as true to the original language as possible (with some creative license, of course).

The Declaration of In(ter)dependence

When in the Course of human relationships it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the romantic bonds which have connected him or her with another and to assume among the powers of love, dating and marriage and hooking up, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Attraction and of attraction's reasons entitle them, a decent respect for the significant other requires that he or she should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men and women are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Love and Happiness. --That to secure these rights when dating, casual dating is instituted among men and women, deriving their just powers from the consent of all those in the dating scene, --That whenever any person or group of people becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of those seeking romance to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new rules, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to affect their Safety, Happiness and Good Time. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Love and Romance long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience has shown that people are willing to deal with a crappy relationship, while dishonesty, infidelity and idiocy are sufferable, than to do themselves a favor by changing the relationship. But when a long train of abuses and taking without giving, when one person's desire for a relationship shows a plan to disrespect his or her partner and love interest like Ike Turner or whatever, it is a person's Right, it is a person's Duty, to throw off such a relationship, and to provide a new attitude for future relationships. --Such has been the patient sufferance of so many people in bad relationships; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to do something about their crappy relationships. The history of present bad relationships is a history of repeated cruel acts and selfishness, all having as a major goal a lack of respect for the victimized party. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

In one relationship, a guy decides that it is okay to hit on and hook up with anyone he wants outside of his current relationship.

In one relationship, a guy keeps saying he will talk about the lack of romance and emotion in the relationship, in an attempt to remedy the problem, when he's ready, but he is never ready and always tends to "forget" about his promise.

In one relationship, a woman refuses to compromise on a choice in living room furniture and insists that she'd rather sleep on the floor than get the nice and affordable bed frame her boyfriend wants.

In one relationship, a woman is withholding sex, and even conversation, until her husband buys her the pair of Manolo Blahniks she wants.

In one relationship, a guy makes his girlfriend alienate all her friends because they keep telling her how much of a douche he is.

In the same relationship, he has refused for a long time to allow his girlfriend to make new friends, because he is sure that they will think he's a douche, as well.

In one relationship, a guy does not want his girlfriend to have a social life because he wants everything to be about him.

In one relationship, a guy is not allowed to have an opinion or even any show of self-esteem because it threatens his girlfriend.

In one relationship, a guy is given an allowance by his wife, even though he's the one that makes the most money.

In one relationship, a guy is so emotionally abusive that he gets his guy friends to insult and badger is girlfriend in order to ensure that she "stays in her place."

In one relationship, a girl remembers every bad thing a guy does, so that when she is upset, she can point out an innocent mistake he made in order to destroy his self esteem.

In one relationship, a man's anger always trumps the emotions and thoughts of his partner.

In one relationship, whenever a woman gets made at her husband, she tells her parents and friends in such a way that he feels attacked and ambushed by all of them.

In many relationship, people insist on doing things and getting away with things that are not conducive to healthy relationships:

For not letting one's partner have a guy's night out.

For taking money out of one's wallet without his or her consent.

For giving one's partner the silent treatment as punishment.

For forcing one's partner to socialize in places he or she does not want to socialize.

For decided that prior agreements about where to go for dinner, who we'd hang out with and what party we'd attend should be ignored on a whim.

For throwing out things for which one's partner feels sentimental value because one finds it ugly or because it doesn't match the new drapes.

For deciding that one's friends should be brought into a fight in order to really show one's partner how wrong he or she is.

One guy will threaten to walk out while insisting that his girlfriend couldn't survive on her own.

One woman has completely ruined her boyfriend's credit.

One woman is spending her lunch break doing nothing but scheming on how to get her boyfriend to do whatever she wants, regardless of the effect it may have on him, his hopes and his dreams.

One woman has convinced her boyfriend's platonic girlfriends to side with her as a solidarity amongst women.

One spouse has tried to use the children as inadvertent assets whenever fighting, trying to pit each child against the other spouse.

In every stage of these Oppressions people have tried to remedy the situations, but have been answered only by repeated injury. A romantic partner whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a complete bitch or asshole, is unfit to be a partner.

Nor have many people been silent in our wants and desires. Their significant others know what they want out of their relationships, but they just don't seem to care. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of our potential lovers, broken up in dispute and together when willing to compromise.

We, therefore, who are sick of being in crappy relationships, do solemnly publish and declare, that they are, and of Right ought to be in healthy and enjoyable relationships, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to bitches and douche bags, and that all romantic connection between them the aforementioned bitches and douche bags ought to be totally dissolved; and that as newly single people are allowed to act, think, like, and say whatever they want. --" And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of our right to be happy and in love, we mutually pledge to each other that we will not become bitches and douche bags.

To report corrections and clarifications, contact esmith@getonthecouch.com. For publication consideration send comments to media@getonthecouch.com. Include name, phone number, city and state for verification.