Relationship Advice: Cheers to Daylight Savings
Daylight Savings, Love
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Money Vs Love ??? give time or break up ???
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Asked
Jan 22 2010
Female
Hi ALL,
I'm desperate for some opinions as I can't make any decisions now.
Me & my girlfriend have been together for 3 years. Our plan was to get married early last year, but I'm not ready financially until now.
We love each other very much and of course have tons of memories both good and bad.
But for the last 3 years, all the business that I'm doing is not getting to a level that can support a family. She felt that I'm dragging time because she's ALWAYS there supporting me on whatever I do but not gaining a lot of profit and probably got tired of being so optimistic all the time with little result.
She felt insecure on our future relationship as she really wants to get married.
We could get married now but we'll be living on a very tight cashflow (until my business gets better of course).
The problem is that she's telling me about her insecurities being with me and afraid if we get married now, she would later regret as we don't know what the future holds. She knows she's being selfish about this issue & requesting some time for her decision on whether or not continue our relationship.
I know she has the right to feel insecure and all but on the other side, I'm thinking that her love for me is not real enough. Simply put money VS love....Money is the winner here. Am I right by looking at the situation this way ???
Should I give her time & wait for her decision or should I be the one to finish this relationship due to her insecurities on my financial situation???
Please help...I'm torn here.... :(
I'm desperate for some opinions as I can't make any decisions now.
Me & my girlfriend have been together for 3 years. Our plan was to get married early last year, but I'm not ready financially until now.
We love each other very much and of course have tons of memories both good and bad.
But for the last 3 years, all the business that I'm doing is not getting to a level that can support a family. She felt that I'm dragging time because she's ALWAYS there supporting me on whatever I do but not gaining a lot of profit and probably got tired of being so optimistic all the time with little result.
She felt insecure on our future relationship as she really wants to get married.
We could get married now but we'll be living on a very tight cashflow (until my business gets better of course).
The problem is that she's telling me about her insecurities being with me and afraid if we get married now, she would later regret as we don't know what the future holds. She knows she's being selfish about this issue & requesting some time for her decision on whether or not continue our relationship.
I know she has the right to feel insecure and all but on the other side, I'm thinking that her love for me is not real enough. Simply put money VS love....Money is the winner here. Am I right by looking at the situation this way ???
Should I give her time & wait for her decision or should I be the one to finish this relationship due to her insecurities on my financial situation???
Please help...I'm torn here.... :(
by smile
in On a Break
Short Answers: (Choose One)
She has all the right to feel this. Give her time & wait for her answer.
She doesn't love you enough. Break up now.
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Answered
Mar 18 2010
by
DaisyJane
in On a Break
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Rating: 3.3/5 | 3 votes
Dear smile,
The reality is, it is never a good time to get married or to have children. The question to ask is this the type of woman that you want to marry? Entrepeneurs are very special people. They are tenacious and willing to take risks, self starters that light their own fires (the ones under the butts to get going), and are willing to put up with some adversity in order to reap the benefits of being their own boss. For some people it is not about having a lot of money but the freedom to make decisions and direct their own movements. If you are this kind of person it is important that your marriage partner understands this. Whether or not this business succeeds or not, or if you go out and get a job in the mainstream business world, you will at sometime break out and do your own thing in the future. So, you see, it really isn't about love vs money but temperment matching.
Therefore to me, the main question is not whether or not she needs more time to come to terms with this kind of lifestyle, but, for you to answer the question; is this really the woman that will support you the way you need to be supported (and not financially) as an entrepeneur. Having shared those wonderful memories has been great practice for the next relationship. So, either take them with you to the next relationship, or keep them as a solid foundation if this lady is the lady for you.
Whatever you do, good luck in all your endeavors.
DaisyJane
The reality is, it is never a good time to get married or to have children. The question to ask is this the type of woman that you want to marry? Entrepeneurs are very special people. They are tenacious and willing to take risks, self starters that light their own fires (the ones under the butts to get going), and are willing to put up with some adversity in order to reap the benefits of being their own boss. For some people it is not about having a lot of money but the freedom to make decisions and direct their own movements. If you are this kind of person it is important that your marriage partner understands this. Whether or not this business succeeds or not, or if you go out and get a job in the mainstream business world, you will at sometime break out and do your own thing in the future. So, you see, it really isn't about love vs money but temperment matching.
Therefore to me, the main question is not whether or not she needs more time to come to terms with this kind of lifestyle, but, for you to answer the question; is this really the woman that will support you the way you need to be supported (and not financially) as an entrepeneur. Having shared those wonderful memories has been great practice for the next relationship. So, either take them with you to the next relationship, or keep them as a solid foundation if this lady is the lady for you.
Whatever you do, good luck in all your endeavors.
DaisyJane
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Answered
Jan 31 2010
by
UnclePhil
in On a Break
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Rating: 3.6/5 | 11 votes
"The problem is that she's telling me about her insecurities being with me and (afraid if we get married now, she would later regret) as we don't know what the future holds"
-The underlined area is the actual problem.
Three years is time. Not exactly a very long time though. High school lasts longer, elementary school is twice as long and how many of the relationships you've made with the things you had then have lasted forever?
Marriage is supposed to be forever and most marriages do not last the five year mark. If after three years, she is already thinking of regretting a decision she has yet to make, does that sound like forever to you? Especially basing the decision on something as fickle as the economy.
Speaking of breaks... What is SHE using this time to do? Is she finding a way to bring more money into the home? Is she finding ways to settle her insecurities? Hopefully those answers aren't being found with other men.
I hate to fan the flames of fear, but most breaks, like a crack in a dam, bring more problems in and wash away whatever trust you built pre-break.
You cannot regret a decision you truly want. Good luck.
-The underlined area is the actual problem.
Three years is time. Not exactly a very long time though. High school lasts longer, elementary school is twice as long and how many of the relationships you've made with the things you had then have lasted forever?
Marriage is supposed to be forever and most marriages do not last the five year mark. If after three years, she is already thinking of regretting a decision she has yet to make, does that sound like forever to you? Especially basing the decision on something as fickle as the economy.
Speaking of breaks... What is SHE using this time to do? Is she finding a way to bring more money into the home? Is she finding ways to settle her insecurities? Hopefully those answers aren't being found with other men.
I hate to fan the flames of fear, but most breaks, like a crack in a dam, bring more problems in and wash away whatever trust you built pre-break.
You cannot regret a decision you truly want. Good luck.
[reply to answer]
Answered
Jan 26 2010
by
Yatri
in On a Break
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Rating: 3.7/5 | 16 votes
This is a serious problem and I do empathize and sympathize deeply with your situation. Certainly it is frightful when money comes in the way of true love and become an issue.
I feel however that your partner still loves you and it is just her insecurity that is making her behave in this way. After all, she has been with you for three years, through good times and bad. I feel therefore that you should give her a chance. This is what I think you should do:
1) Give her time and wait for her decision.
2) In the meantime, work hard in a focussed manner to make your business enterprise a success. At least, see that it moves forward.
3) Sit down together and have a heart-to-heart chat, totally honest, loving and caring without losing your cool in any way. Try to connect, to find a way to come together by showing that you do understand her feelings.
4) Spend quality time together as much as you can;go to the places where you had been when you started out, rekindle the romance and passion, give her a red rose when you can, do the little things that bring back life into the relationship
5) Then wait, good things will happen!
Best of luck!
I feel however that your partner still loves you and it is just her insecurity that is making her behave in this way. After all, she has been with you for three years, through good times and bad. I feel therefore that you should give her a chance. This is what I think you should do:
1) Give her time and wait for her decision.
2) In the meantime, work hard in a focussed manner to make your business enterprise a success. At least, see that it moves forward.
3) Sit down together and have a heart-to-heart chat, totally honest, loving and caring without losing your cool in any way. Try to connect, to find a way to come together by showing that you do understand her feelings.
4) Spend quality time together as much as you can;go to the places where you had been when you started out, rekindle the romance and passion, give her a red rose when you can, do the little things that bring back life into the relationship
5) Then wait, good things will happen!
Best of luck!
[reply to answer]
