Asked

Mar 1 2010

Female

Do people think a 16 year old going on to be 17 in April is to young to get engaged?

And if yes why do you think it is to young?

by Alix...X in Engaged

Answered

Mar 2 2010

Dear Alix, I believe the answer to your question lies within the nature of the young engaged couple in question. Is it impossible to imagine two people self assured and responsible enough to marry at seventeen? Well no, considering that many people are not self-assured or responsible enough to marry at twenty-seven, or even thirty seven. Developing the personal qualities that contribute to being able to maintain sucessful relationships has to do with being open to life's experiences, being commited to self-exploration, and learning from one's mistakes. The only reason we, as a society, generally encourage young people not to marry until they are in their twenties is because it will allow them more time to cultivate these qualities within themselves, giving them a better chance at a happier life, and a happier marriage. However, some people never get the knack of this, never fully explore themselves, and can never achieve fully sucessful relationships. Yet some people seem to begin the process when they are still children, and appear very wise for their years. It is the mystery of individuality. That all being said, ask yourself this, have you experienced living on your own? Have you experienced being able to support yourself financially? Have you spent any time as an "adult" (we'll say for arguments sake at least six months since being sixteen)NOT being in a relationship? If you answer 'no' to any of these, I would venture to say you haven't encountered the circumstances through which you will be able to make important self-discoveries that will certainly affect your relationship decisions. You will be every surprised to discover that your identity (although it feels perfectly intact as is) will transform under these new conditions over the next few years, despite however mature or wise you may be for your years. Hopefully, these circumstances will help you blossom into the fullest potential of your being. You have your entire life ahead of you, and if this particular relationship is meant to be, give it five years. If you decide to stay together, you'll be happy you waited. And if it doesn't last, you'll DEFINITLY be happy you waited!!! Good Luck

[reply to answer]

Answered

Mar 2 2010

Alix, I want to answer your question by asking YOU a few questions: Why an engagement at 16? Why the serious commitment so early in your dating and relationship career? Why the rush? Are you in love with the person or are you in love with the title of 'being engaged'? What does being engaged do for you: does it offer you an escape? Being engaged means you have decided to forgo dating (exploring relationships with others, learning more about what YOU like and do not like, discovering what successful relationships require) and move yourself one step away from committing yourself, through marriage, to one person FOR LIFE. Are you ready for the level of commitment it will take to stay with that one person through sickness, hardships and struggles if this engagement leads you to marriage? Love, engagements and marriage are wonderful things when they entered into with the right person, for the right reasons and AT THE RIGHT TIME. But, honestly, I'm not convinced 16 or even 17 is the right time for an engagement. If the person is right, you will still have the same feelings for that person in a few years ... after you've made some other major decision regarding your future, such as your career and personal growth. You might find what you value at 16 is not what you find important 1, 2 even 5 years from now. Spend some time analyzing the 'whys' behind this potentially life-changing decision before you commit yourself, your future and your life to another.

[reply to answer]

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