Asked

May 20 2009

Female

I was married and had an affair, went through a divorce and feel that I've paid my dues for the affair. I can put it behind me, but now I wonder when is the right time in a new relationship to talk about my past? I don't want to mess up my chances to have a future relationship and gain trust, but I'm afraid revealing that I had an affair too soon (or ever) will scare a good woman away...any advice out there?

anonymous post in Dating Scene

Answered

May 21 2009

In the preliminary string of the first few dates, the ex conversation is bound to come up. While you don't want to bring it up the second you meet someone, if it comes up, just be honest so you don't come off as deceitful. It only gets harder to tell someone after that. People judge answers of why a relationship failed, so it's best to be honest. People appreciate an honest answer, especially when and if they can see you have learned from your mistake and know not to repeat it. Yes, some women will be put off, but others won't. You don't want someone who can't deal with that anyway. Just like we judge people who say all positive or all negative about their exes (does he still have feelings? will he talk so meanly of me if we were to break up?), people judge all answers, so be honest and be objective when the subject comes up.

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