Asked

May 21 2009

Female

The woman I'm dating is an independent woman and I like that about her. However, sometimes I want to do something nice for her - get her a nice gift or take her out and she just refuses to accept gifts from me. Is this a sign she is not interested in a long-term or committed relationship?

anonymous post in Dating Scene

Answered

May 21 2009

It is hard to distinguish independence from a lack of interest sometimes. I would start with something smaller than a nice gift or fancy meal and move up from there - pick her up a drink or an ice cream cone on your way to see her on a hot day, for instance. If she argues, just say you wanted to do something nice for her. Some women are put off by bigger financial gestures thinking men are trying to buy them. Others feel guilty when others do things for them, perhaps stemming from other issues.
I was like this for a long time because my mom was a stay at home and my dad grew to resent her for it. I decided to be independent so that the same would not happen to me, but ultimately had to learn balance and that even though it hurts my pride to accept a gift, i could hurt a giver's pride by not accepting it.
It's hard to say if it's lack of interest or only independence, so just start off small and assure her that you're doing so because you want to and you care about her.

[reply to answer]

Making choices can be hard, but they can also be fun. Especially when you have the chance to choose between two different partners who both want you. But when one is a happy, traditional small town girl and the other is an angsty, coed partying in the big city the clichés can be overwhelming.

If both made you equally happy and the chemistry is all there, who would you choose?