Asked

May 22 2009

Female

I fell in love with a married man who swears he and his wife agreed they would go "on their separate ways", but he never can commit to when. So, it's pretty obvious after so many years that he is not going anywhere. Now, I am having an incredibly hard time moving on even though I have many interested guys...I just can't get my mind off of how he could do this to me. I want him to suffer too. Should I introduce myself to his wife?

anonymous post in Broke Up

Answered

May 23 2009

Well, the guy's obviously an ass for lying to you. A part of him wanted to be with you, but in the end he just couldn't give up his wife. Now, that great fro their marriage, but bad for you.

"I want him to suffer too. Should I introduce myself to his wife?"

No. Absolutely not. I know you're suffering immensely, but why continue to make other people hurt? By you going on a vendetta against him, you'll never be satisfied. Since hurt can't be measured, you'll just keep hurting him. And let's say you really hurt him--he loses his wife, loses his house, gets in a car accident because he wasn't paying attention on the road being so depressed about his wife and house. If that really makes you happy and not sad and feel regret for the guy (even though he may deserve it), then you're no better than him. In fact, your worse.

Let's say you did introduce yourself to his wife. Who's to say she won't go psycho-bitch on your ass? She could get her friends to come after you. And not just physically, they could go on their own vendetta against you and tarnish your name, key your car, whatever. Maybe he could be angry for what you did and after you're done with your perception of "closure" he may come after you as well. You really don't want to continue the pain, it needs to stop with you.

Besides, spending your time how to hurt him as bad as you've been hurt in a way to feel better about yourself is a really dumb idea. You're only fueling the anger and pain within you and make yourself even more miserable than you feel now. By hurting him, you won't be helping yourself at all. You won't get closer. You won't get happier. You won't feel better. Just let it go. He's not worth your happiness.

I know it sucks, a lot!, but you've got to be the bigger person. Stop thinking about him and let it go. It will not make you feel better by trying to hurt another person, it will only continue the cycle of violence. You're better than that. You know you're better than that.


~ Anthony

[reply to answer]

My boyfriend and I have broken up, but we're still living in the same apartment for monetary reasons. It's uncomfortable, but we're trying to make it work until we can afford separate places. All of our friends think we're crazy. What can we tell them?