Asked

Jun 21 2009

Female

The guy that I was dating, decided that we should just be friends. I agreed even though I knew it was a bunch of crap. I ignored his texts and calls for about three weeks. When I finally decided to answer (because it was his birthday), he told me that he was scared that he lost me from his life completely. He said that he wanted to see me again, but I hesitated and told him that I wasn’t ready. We kept talking for about 5 weeks everyday or at least every other day. Then I decided to go visit him. He made me dinner at his apartment and we went in the hot tub and exchanged back massages. I was really confused, so at the end of the night before I was planning to leave, I asked if we could talk. He told me that he is attracted to me, but he doesn’t think that we will work out in the long run. I am completely confused by this. I asked if he wanted me to stay the night, which he did, but I didn’t end up staying because the guy that he lives with is pretty religious and doesn’t approve of us staying together if we aren’t “dating.” My friend is really sweet and respects his roommate’s opinion (way too much if you ask me). So he just hugged me for about 3 minutes and said that he really just wants to cuddle. It was a pretty awkward ending to the night. Anyway, so that was a Monday, then the following weekend, I graduated from college and he came to watch me. I didn’t invite him, he just knew about it and showed up. I thought it was really sweet and I spent a little bit of time with him after the ceremony. Then we made plans for the next weekend. He came to my house for a little party with some friends and family. He insisted on coming even though my family was there and I thought it would be weird, but he was excited about it. We had so much fun and he fit right in with my family and everyone had a great time. He had me walk him to his car when it was time to leave and then he pulled me in by the hips to give me a hug, which was longer than a normal friend hug, but not unusual for us. He asked me if I would go on a trip with him and he said he would take me out so I could wear this new dress that I bought and he said he would go on vacation with me, my brother, and my brother’s girlfriend. I thought it was a little weird for just a friend to want that. I am all about us being together, but he is the one that said we are just friends. Does he like me or not? Should I keep pursuing him or just forget it? If I should keep at this, what should my next move be?

by Amanda517 in Just Friends

Answered

Jun 21 2009

It sounds like he is confused about what he wants, and if not that, then he is confused about how to show it the right way. I think you should talk to him and get things straightened out before you take a trip with him or do anything too intimate. Sometimes ambiguity can be nice, but in this case it sounds like it's simply confusing, and could be hurtful if it continues on for too long. Next time you two are together, it might be a good idea to ask to talk, and ask him what he wants for sure, and to let him know that you're getting mixed messages. If he wants to be a friend and is doing it simply to be a nice friend, it's better to know that. However, if he is having doubts and is showing it through his actions, it would be best for him to figure out what he wants before he carries on too long.

[reply to answer]

I just got this email from my boyfriend of two years the day of his birthday. It expresses his disappointment re: my performance on his birhtday this year. First, some pertinent background:

Last year for his birthday I took him to see a Tony award winning play. After, he said he hated the play and that I took him because it was a gift for me and not him. I actually saw it before ... read more